Talking to Your Children about Pregnancy and Infant Loss

July 2, 2026

Written by: Andrea Crowley, MA, MSC, Registered Provisional Psychologist

If you're reading this, chances are your family has recently experienced the heartbreaking loss of a pregnancy or child. So to start, I want to say I am so sorry. Amid your own grief, you may also be wondering how to support the other children in your family. What do you say? How much do they need to know? And how do you help them when you're grieving too? While there are no perfect words, there are ways to support your child with honesty, compassion, and connection.

To start, it is important to know that children process grief in small, repeated doses. A common myth about children's grief is that if they’re not showing that they are sad, it means they’re not. Children often move in and out of grief in ways that can surprise us. Their ability to adapt and heal is strengthened when they know they have steady, caring people to return to when things feel overwhelming. To be that person for your child(ren), see below some tips for approaching these difficult conversations:

How to Gently and Clearly Talk to Kids About Death

Kids have a tendency to take things literally, so use clear language to explain what happened. Common phrases like “passed away” or “lost” may seem like more gentle ways of approaching the conversation, but leave a lot of ambiguity. If things are unclear to a child, they tend to fill those gaps with their own imagination which can sometimes be more scary than the truth. You may be asking, my child died, what is scarier than that? If there are gaps in children's understanding of what happened, they may blame themselves for the death if they don’t understand the reason, or they may think it's going to happen to them or to you. Compassionately explaining that their sibling has died, what it means to die, and identifying that it is not their fault reduces the risk of your child developing their own explanations.

Expect Questions, but Know it’s Okay Not to Have all the Answers

Another point to consider is that your kid(s) are going to have questions! For many children, this may be their first encounter with death so they may have a lot of wonderings about it. Such as, how it happens, what it means, and what is going to happen to their sibling; both in the physical sense (i.e., the body) and the spiritual sense (i.e., the mind). The first experience of death can be a very existential time for kids! Sometimes cultural or religious values that you hold in your household may have some of these answers. However, it is also okay not to have all the answers. If your child asks something you don’t know:

• Tell them you may need time to think about it, and that you’ll get back to them. BUT be sure to circle back after you’ve taken the time you need. This attention to your child helps them to feel heard and listened to by you.

• Ask them! Kids are thoughtful and insightful. Sometimes older kiddos may have their own explanations for things that you can explore with them. Involving kids in these conversations is helpful for their learning, and lets them know that they can trust you to talk to them.

You can follow your child(ren)'s lead with questions. Giving them some information, pausing, and checking in to see if they have more questions is a good way to pace it. Kids may have more questions OR they may not. Neither is correct. Kids may bring their questions to you at the most random times and not all at once. Above all, let your kids know that you’re here for them and don’t shy away from talking to them about death or about their sibling. Safety in these conversations is essential to supporting a child's healthy grief. 

Supporting Children's Grief: Reassuring Their Feelings

When talking to kids about their sibling, it is important to reassure them that their feelings and yours are okay. Explain to them that they might see you cry or be upset for the next little while, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t take care of them. Let them know that their feelings are okay too, feeling sad is a normal part of grief. One thing to consider is the 5 C’s of Children's Grief:

• Cause. Children may worry that they caused the death. It is important to talk to them about their worries and make it clear that they did not contribute to the cause of death, and that there is nothing they could have done differently.

• Catch. Children may worry that they can catch the cause of death and die from the same illness their sibling died from. Be clear and honest, but keep the explanation simple and focused only on what the child needs to know right now is best. For example, a congenital abnormality in an infant at birth will not be a risk to the sibling. However, if the death was caused by factors out of your control (e.g., cancer), explain to them that you are there for them and will do whatever you can to keep them safe. 

It may seem reassuring to say “that will never happen to you!” but this isn't something we can control, nor have absolute certainty about. What we say matters because it can help build trust and safety with our kids. So even if tempted to say something like this, know that the most important thing a child needs to know is that they are loved and that you will be there for them.

• Cure. Children may question if they could have cured the cause of death. They are always looking for explanations, and may even blame themselves. For example, your child may wonder if their parent didn’t run around to play with them the day before, that their sibling would have been safer in the womb and would still be alive. It is important to make it clear to them that the death is not their fault.

• Care. Children may wonder who will take care of them after a death. Make it clear to them that they may see you grieving, but your hurt does not change the fact that you still can, and want to take care of them. They may also ask if you died, who would take care of them? Children want to know that they will be considered. 

• Connect. Children may want to know how they can remain connected to their sibling after death. This point leads me to my next section:

Work with Your Child(ren) to Find Helpful Ways to Honour and Remember Their Sibling

This may be a great opportunity to turn to cultural, religious or spiritual values to explore death with your child(ren). If you have any religious rituals that you engage in when death occurs, you may wish to invite the sibling(s) to participate in these rituals. Some parents like to make a memory book about their passed away baby, exploring the pregnancy journey (including ultrasound photos), explaining how the baby's name was chosen, and discussing how they felt when they found out about the pregnancy. This kind of memorial can be a great thing to involve siblings in. You can help them to make a page about what it was like to be a sibling, or what they remember about their sibling. This activity can help them to engage with and process their grief while understanding their changing family. While there is no right or wrong way to honour your child’s loss, some additional ways of remembering your child may include:

• Planting a memorial tree or flowers.

• Lighting a candle on birthdays or anniversaries.

• Writing letters to their sibling.

• Keeping a special stuffed animal

• Participating in remembrance walks or events

• Creating family traditions that honour the baby's memory

What to Say to Children After Pregnancy or Infant Loss

You may be thinking, “Okay, this is informative, but what do I actually say?”. Well, there isn’t a straightforward script that I can give because it depends on several factors. For instance, the age of your child(ren), cultural, religious, or spiritual values held in the household, and past experiences with grief and loss can all play a role in the information you decide to share with your child(ren). However, I can provide you with a structure to consider when looking to have these conversations:

A Simple Structure to Follow

• First, start with the truth. Remember, be honest, use real words (no euphemisms, which can be confusing).

• Second, keep it simple. Keep explanations clear and brief. Share only what the child needs to know right now.

One question to ask yourself is: What is the simplest, truest version of what happened that my child can understand? 

You Don't Have to Get It Perfect

Above all, remember that there are no perfect words and you don’t need to get this conversation exactly right. Children benefit most from honest, loving adults who are willing to keep having the conversation. Grief is never processed in one conversation, so invite your child(ren) to revisit their questions and feelings with you as they need. 

If there is one thing I hope you take from this blog, it is that children deserve to be included in the grieving process in ways that are honest, age-appropriate, and rooted in connection. Children are observant, and they often sense when something has changed, even when we try to protect them from difficult truths. So, showing up with honesty, love, and a willingness to keep the conversation open can be supportive as children process feelings and questions over time.

You Don’t Have to Carry Grief Alone

And while supporting your child(ren) is important, supporting yourself matters too. Grief was never meant to be carried alone.

Lean on friends, family, community, or trusted loved ones, and consider reaching out to a therapist experienced in grief and loss if you need additional support. With time, compassion, and support, it is possible to hold both grief and moments of connection, meaning, and hope as your family moves forward together.

Do you need additional support?

Resources

To read more about the 5 C’s of Children’s Grief, click HERE for a helpful infographic from Lighthouse Grief Support. 

Much of the content in this blog was adapted from the following workshop:

• Biggs, D. (2026, June 1–2). Supporting bereaved parents after a pregnancy loss or the death of a child [Remote workshop]. Wilfrid Laurier University.